Trump is cursed to live until he Makes America Great Again. He will run election after election, with unnatural longevity, but once he gets back in office he only has one term left to find the error of his ways, discover Wisdom in Friendship, and bring moral-philosophy-flavour-of-the-month to the troubled but inherently glorious institution of American politics, or the curse will be fulfilled and he will spend eternity haunting golf clubs and expensive hotels not quite dead but never quite alive.

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Tune in later to part II, where, in a world taken over by the all-powerful EU, Donald’s seventh descendent learns of the calamity of his forefather and sets out to rediscover the truth about America and set her people free from the tyranny of socialised healthcare. Coming soon: “The Seventh Trump”

Followed shortly after with direct-to-TV prequels “Seals and Fur Hats: the Decline of True America”; and sequels, “Bowling with the Ghosts of Presidents Past, Present and Future.”