Roman standards on sexuality were very weird to modern eyes. A lot of it is tied up in power dynamics, which the Romans were obsessed with.

At the same time, Romans were a very sexual culture, especially in contrast to later Christian European cultures. A large penis was comical - but also was considered a symbol of good luck! So you get things like penis pendants and furniture with legs made to look like dicks. This little bit in particular is a VERY NSFW bell-holder. Brothels would advertise themselves with big ol’ dicks outside, or in the stone streets. Graffiti includes both crudely drawn pornography as well as such gems as “Don’t perform oral sex on women against the city wall like a dog!” and “So-and-so is an excellent dick-sucker”. Wealthy Roman houses are positively covered in pornographic drawings - including ‘emasculating’ sex positions - and the same with vases, mosaics, bas-relief, even coins.

It’s a strange dynamic!

[cackling in ‘anyone-but-shithead-worshiper’]

Explanation: Romans, unlike some Greek sources, did not find a small penis to be attractive - but an overly large penis was considered comical and barbaric. I suppose the “I’m perfectly average!” was the real mating call of the Roman man.

Also, going down on a woman was considered emasculating. Nonetheless; it was acknowledged as often happening (and used as an insult), and male prostitutes are recorded advertising their prices for cunnilingus.

TERF island is at it again, huh?

Very brave people.

Don’t worry, I’m sure they were all secret CIA agents /s

Explanation: The survivors of the Roman defeat at Cannae were shamed by having been crushed by a numerically inferior force and bringing the outcome of the entire Second Punic War in question in one disgraceful stroke. It wasn’t really their fault, but the shaken Roman Republic desired some scapegoats, and “These guys who survived because they were in the camp didn’t fight hard, like REAL Rough Romans!” was an easy one. As such, the survivors of Cannae were sent to garrison duty in Sicily - tedious and hardly glorious! They were forbidden from returning to Italy until the war was over - the great Roman general Scipio Africanus took these defeated men with him on his expeditions against Carthage, and returned them their honor by decisively ending the war on Carthaginian soil.

In another life I was digging ditches for the Legions o7

Explanation: Most would regard the Principate period of the Empire to be the height of Rome’s power and prestige (here simply labeled as ‘Roman Empire’), with the Eastern and Western Empires of the Dominate and Byzantine periods being in various states of decay.

The ‘Holy Roman Empire’, despite its name, was a MUCH later Medieval confederation of German states which often quarreled with the remnant state of the Byzantine Empire over who was the ‘true’ Rome. Despite my disgust for the Byzies, the Holy Roman Empire ain’t even in the same ballpark as the Empire of old.

Explanation: As the Roman Empire was an absolute juggernaut who reshaped the face of history, and especially European history, the number of countries who have claimed to be the TRUE successor of the Empire of old is… extensive.

Explanation: The Romans were quite fond of omens of various kinds - one of the more popular variants being whether chickens (or other poultry) would eat before an important decision was made. If the chickens would eat - it was a positive omen - if they would not, or ate only reluctantly, it was an ill omen.

Calling India an ally is a strong word.

But yeah, their behavior is concerning, to say the least.

I don’t know which is more funny - the idea of a ‘gladiator’ match being won by some weedy merchant punting a chicken over the Colosseum crowd, or by the chicken completely bodying the guy and the crowd going wild for their new champion.

Explanation: Gallienus was an Emperor during the tumultuous Crisis of the Third Century. Other than struggling with the series of uncontrollable disasters rolling over the Empire at that time (not his fault - poor sod just came to power at the wrong time), he’s noted as having a sharp and engaged wit.

Explanation: During the Siege of Syracuse during the Second Punic War, the Syracusans, utilizing the genius of the great philosopher and engineer Archimedes, created several ingenious devices to keep the Romans at bay, including ARCHIMEDES’ CLAW and (supposedly) a GODDAMN HEAT RAY

It was not enough, however, to overcome the stubbornness of the Romans, who eventually took the city. Archimedes was killed in the process, despite the Roman commander giving orders for him to be taken alive because of his unparalleled genius. STTL!

Explanation: Roman soldiers are the Battle of Carrhae were pincushioned by a steady rain of Parthian arrows. The Parthians, in fact, shot so many arrows that they had to organize baggage trains of camels bring them a steady supply!

Explanation: The Roman Emperor Honorius (who was a complete incompetent, mind), reigned in 410 AD, during the first sack of Rome in some 800 years.

At that time they say that the Emperor Honorius in Ravenna received the message from one of the eunuchs, evidently a keeper of the poultry, that Rome had perished. And he cried out and said, ‘And yet it has just eaten from my hands!’ For he had a very large cock, Rome by name; and the eunuch comprehending his words said that it was the city of Rome which had perished at the hands of Alaric, and the emperor with a sigh of relief answered quickly: ‘But I thought that my fowl Rome had perished.’ So great, they say, was the folly with which this emperor was possessed

But let’s not blow air up [Russia’s] asshole.

That seems to be the favorite pastime of a concerning number of people on here, though.

Explanation: The Romans were not particularly familiar with elephants during the early-to-mid Republic. When Pyrrhus of Epirus first confronted them with elephants, they were called ‘Lucanian Cows’ (Luca Bos) because they were first seen in Lucania.

The elephant is shown coming over the mountain, as about 60 years later, the Carthaginian general Hannibal Barca would lead an army of mercenaries with war elephants over the Alps to attack Italy.

Pegging is anal penetration via strap-on

“Sliding into your DMs (direct messages)” is a term meaning “to message someone” usually with the implication of flirtatiousness or the like.

A Dungeon Master, one who runs a game of Dungeons and Dragons, is often called a DM.

Thus ‘sliding into your DMs’ also fits pegging a dungeon master.