I’m not an adventurous person. I haven’t been to a sex shop at home in decades so I don’t keep up with what’s available out there. But on vacation in Tokyo in 2023, I was at a four story sex shop in Akihabara. The top floor is exclusive to men, no women allowed up there. There are all sorts of fuck dolls and the more intense, expensive dude stuff up there.

Now, what I was not mentally prepared for was the glass display case. I don’t remember much about what else was in the case but the thing that caught my eye was what I can only call “The Device.”

The Device was a very inelegant metal machine that in any other context I would have assumed was some kind of kitchenware. But it had a nozzle on the end and it was incredibly obvious what The Device was there to do. This was not a nice machine, it was a tool with one purpose. I imagine it was incredibly good at that, too.

I was tight on cash for that trip and this thing was listed at 45,000 yen, which was about $375 at the time. I joked with my friends that it would be well worth it. It would have been difficult to get home due to size and I imagine heft. I would have taken The Device back to our rental house and let it suck the soul out of my body. I would have died on that trip and would have had no regrets.

I went back to the same store earlier this year and the glass case had other things in it, The Device nowhere to be found. Someone bought it, took it home, and was claimed by its power. The shelves of the top floors of that shop are now sleek looking plastic and silicon jerk machines that look very user friendly; exactly what you’d expect from a sex toy. But they are probably nothing compared to The Device.

I got to make regular jokes about “being the new guy” and subtly shoot shade at the management team any chance I get.

I was in a very, very rough spot. Was mostly worth taking the offer. It sure beat wasting 13 years of obscure product knowledge at some new job for the less pay others were offering.

Rehired with all my previous tenure benefits with the added raise they would have given me had I been around when they gave out raises.

I was really confident. Then I lost a job to AI. Then they hired me back a few months later after realizing that replacing half the support team with an AI was not working out.

They just want more people being pushed to their NFT marketplace while getting free development. It’s astounding they are getting so much good press.

I stopped paying any attention to them when they started talking about NFTs. This is cool news.

How convenient; you won’t be learning science! You’ll be learning history!

I feel like this should be required watching for anyone who wants to better understand colliders and the politics around them. BobbyBroccoli made this series on the development of some of them.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ivVzGpznw1U

It wasn’t even meant to be like that. I just thought it would be funny to choose the name Dangle-balls before knowing if the child would even have balls.

He’s? I don’t know if it’ll be a boy yet.

I’m being downvoted for what I thought was a funny joke. Just like the old days～

I’m naming my kid Dangle-balls.

Fedora Core 4…? I have yet to fully take the plunge but we’ll get there.

Otakon registration line, probably about 2014. The line wrapped the Baltimore convention center two times.

BALEETED!

But I don’t want to stop.

From the looks of the crash test results, I might have to buy one of these to get in on the lawsuits that will come from those who are maimed in accidents with them.

I value my bones too much to bother doing that. But seriously, a lot of people are gonna get hurt.

And you should see the way people lose all sense when it happens. Society is wild.

Now this is schizoposting.

I can’t imagine a universe where what you did makes you an asshole.