Assuming it’s a one way trip, I’d probably go to the year 1998, Impersonate my dad, Rescue child me from some shit, Win the lottery, Stop 9/11, and then die and leave my younger self with more money and power than he could reasonably cope with.

If your parents didn’t meet and make you, then it is likely they would have met other people and made other people. Don’t put the curse of your existence off on some other poor sap. Stand up and drink your cup.

I want to add that I know this sounds mean like I’m angry, but it’s kind of more like I’m frustrated with the impossible constraints of the mental exercise.

If I have offended you, I do apologize. It’s not my intent.

I enjoy solving puzzles, but assuming that none of your constraints can bend, then the only thing I can think of would be for you to send out a mailing list begging for money and hope that enough people respond, like a letter saying, “hey, send me a dollar and you’ll get good luck”, or something.

For $20, you should be able to send about 40 letters, and if all 40 of them send you $1, then that would meet your requirements.

If I knew how to do that, I would do it with $10,000 or $100,000 and not $20.

How the fuck are you not gonna interact with people but have cash change hands?

You can’t talk to people. You can’t meet people, but you must somehow get money from other people. The fuck.

You also can’t use banks or credit cards? How the fuck are you gonna meet someone online and get them to mail you $20?

I think if you watch Severance, he does a really good job of changing your perspective, because I had the same feeling going into Severance, and now I feel different.

Same for Brent Spiner as Data.

I have incredibly wild and vivid dreams, a handful of times a year.

My most recent one is one that has repeated a handful of times. I am in Portland for some reason and there is a restaurant with a large gravel lot.

I park and I walk up to the restaurant to order a hot dog and Colin Melloy from the Decemberists shows up. His hair is about shoulder length, he’s wearing cut off blue jean shorts and a plaid shirt. And he puts on an open air concert out in the gravel lot for free for everyone who just happens to be stopping by this particular hot dog stand.

He played songs from the Crane Wife album, which was pretty cool.

I’ve had other dreams where I’ve led choirs of priests and nuns on a musical rampage throughout New York City, singing a song I’ve never heard before and have not heard since as like this massive musical number.

I’ve had dreams where I Fight evil villains on spaceships with laser swords only to find out that the villain was my cousin.

I’ve had dreams where it’s the 80s and I am a white guy that wears white suits and sunglasses and I’m rich and I drive a red sports car that’s a convertible and I have a lot of money and that dream. I told myself, oh yeah, I’ve got to make that big purchase in the morning. I better put $50,000 under my bed so it’ll be there when I wake up. And then I woke up in the real world and immediately looked under my bed to realize that it was a dream and I’ve never been more upset to wake up in my life.

I’ve had dreams where I’m in a dark room being assaulted by demons, being told all the horrible things that there are about me, and I’m trapped to a chair, and like I’m praying to get out of this situation, and the demon laughs at me, and he flicks his finger, and while I’m stuck to the chair, it lifts up onto one leg and starts spinning around and around faster and faster and faster, trying to get my hands to unclass from prayer as the demon laughs in the darkness.

And I’ve had a recurring dream throughout most of my life, well two recurring dreams throughout most of my life, one of which is where I’m standing in an infinitely large black room on a small little pedestal, and there is a glowing, blue, thin strand of string that serves as a tightrope between here and the end of infinity, and i become aware that I am supposed to walk this tightrope.

Somewhere out beyond the darkness are a tribunal of judges who are watching me and watching my performance, as I take one step onto the string, and then I take the second step, and I realize I have to balance, and I immediately fall, and as I’m falling and I’m plummeting through infinite darkness, I hit the ground, and in real life I wake up, and my entire body convulses and bounces on the bed.

The other one that I have is there is a town, and the town has rolling green fields and sunflowers and wooden fences and white houses and paved roads intersecting through it that wind back and forth and I am driving in an old beat up blue Ford truck with the wooden slats on the truck bed. And, as I drive through the town people stop and wave at me and I wave at them because I am making a delivery and they know me and I know them and I get to drive back and forth in this beautiful, serene, peaceful, perfect town full of happiness.

Amazon

I’ve never gone to a website and searched for socks and been shown bicycles before.

In the original script, they would continue to meet up, fall in love, spend time together and then one or the other of them would erase the other person after which the other person would follow and then they would meet and fall in love again and this repeated until they were old and gray

Kind of funny to think about if Jesus learned English through prayers, so he assumes that “Please let me win the lottery” translates to, “Hi, how are you doing?”

If your car ever gets spray painted, WD-40 is also very good at removing that. Just spray it on a lint-free rag and gently wipe the spray paint and the WD-40 will dissolve the spray paint and whisk it away with a minimum amount of effort.

I don’t know if I would call Clerks a slow-paced movie, like the plot barely advances at all throughout the entire movie, and I get that, but the movie is not really about the plot, it’s about a series of seemingly unconnected events that happen in an average, nondescript location in New Jersey, and getting to people watch as the weirdness erupts around the one seemingly normal person in the entire film.

It kind of looks like the clitoris is holding back the rest of the anatomy to protect it from an intruder

And it’s almost as if getting the support of the people is a smart thing when you’re attempting to do a large public work.

I guess you can’t teach assholes how to not shit on everything.

Call JG Wentworth! 877-CASH NOW!

Facebook: makes a system where the only way to get engagement is to hatepost.

People on facebook: hateposts

People: “How could this happen?”

I’ll step up. I was raised in the south by… well, okay by the kind of racist white people that say they are not racist even though they don’t like people of other colors inside of their field of vision.

I am not white myself, and so I got preferential treatment. I was “one of the good ones”.

Plus, as a Native American, I kind of had like this weird, beneficent racism thing where they were like, oh, he can talk to horses, and he can hear it in the trees, and see it in the wind, all of that stupid shit.

Anyway, I didn’t really mind people of color, black people, I would talk to them and be friendly with them because I didn’t have any reason not to be, right?

But sometime around when I was 18 years old, I suddenly realized that I would change my way of speaking when I was around black people. I would say things like, “yo, dog, what’s up?” Instead of, “hey man, how’s it going?”

And I realized now that that is ingratiating behavior. I wanted the other people I was around to feel more comfortable with me, and so I was imitating what I assumed was their speech pattern.

But I also realized that I was pigeonholing them into acting a particular way. I was maintaining the concept that “Black people talk like black people” instead of “people just talk”.

Once I realized I was doing that, I dropped the act and started continuing to be myself when I was around people of different races.

And you know, I made better friends that way. People liked me more and they responded more favorably to me, which to me feels like justification that I made the right decision.

My ex often got frustrated with me because I spend so much time in the planning phase, like learning about things, researching the various options, and making sure that everything is fully prepped and laid out before I start on a project.

Despite all of that, I have yet to have a project go to plan, Except for the one that I came up with off the top of my head.

I was redoing my flooring, and I have like a half third story that’s open, and there’s a lot of exposed transition space between the straight drop-off and the end of the flooring.

It was gonna look really bad to just put L-shaped brackets down to cover over the transition, So, spur of the moment, I realized that I could put a longer flat piece that had a beveled edge on it, and then the L bracket on top of that, and it is probably one of the nicest features in my house.

It is rather banal to be anal about pronunciation like that.

There’s even a saying about it. “I would rather a thousand guilty men go free than one innocent man be murdered”.