In this case, I’m referring to the notion that we all make minor sacrifices in our daily interactions in service of a “greater good” for everyone.
“Following the rules” would be a simplified version of what I’m talking about, I suppose. But also keeping an awareness/attitude about "How will my choices affect the people around me in this moment? “Common courtesy”, “situational awareness”, etc…
I don’t know that it’s a “new” phenomenon by any means, I just seem to have an increasing (subjective) awareness of it’s decline of late.
Everyone in this thread is ignoring all of the invisible things we do everyday as part of the social contract:
-Every time someone stops at a red light
-Every time we accept a piece of paper and in return render some service or surrender some treasure
-Every person waiting in line everywhere
-Every person who pays taxes
-Every time we go to the grocery store and just take it for granted that there will be food at the grocery store
I get it some a-hole cut you off in traffic. But we rely on our social contract to literally stay alive. It is a miracle and the pinnacle of human achievement. Maybe just say thank you?
Generally speaking, consideration for others is inversely proportional to the desperation of a given community. Think about how hard people have to work these days and still can’t afford a decent place to live and food to eat. It makes perfect sense that someone who feels that the system is keeping them down, and wearing them to the bone won’t be conscientious of how their actions will affect others. That mixed with Western ideals of extreme individualism, and a political climate that promotes divisiveness, it’s truly a wonder that anyone has any consideration at all for their fellow countrymen.
Is it not true that struggling groups of people form the strongest communities?
It seems to go either way, depending on all the little local variables. Strong communities, or dog-eat-dog.
Also, you can have situations where if you “conform”, you’re protected by the growing-together, but if something makes you different, that community comes after you, out of fear that you being different will bring even more hardship down on everyone’s head.
My social group is made up of basically goths, queers, nerdy weirdos who grew up in fundamentally conservative and religious towns and families, and are (now as adults) generally very supportive and chill with differences–but we got a hell of a lot of bullying from our natal families/cultures growing up. Based on individual personalities, there’s honestly little reason we were rejected…we don’t go out committing crimes, or bully, or be mean. But the differences we do have seem to scare or make our families feel ashamed of us–so, rejection. And so we lose the protection that the community offers others.
I recognize communities supporting each other is important–but the bit where perfectly good people who are kind and smart and aren’t committing crimes are just thrown on the curb like trash because we don’t believe in religion like others do, or because we ask questions when things don’t make sense…I struggle with that bit, for obvious reasons.
Yeah, desperation in a community does seem to break down a lot of social niceties, make people meaner, smaller, crueler. So focused on surviving personally that there’s no effort left to give to help anyone else or make things better for everyone.
(An aside below–but it’s related to survival turning people selfish and cruel.)
I follow Kamilkazani on Twitter. He’s a historian of Tatar descent (a minority in Russia), and I think did most of his scholarly studies on China and Chinese history originally, but when the Ukrainian war started, he did a lot of threads about Russia, and how we got here today from a historical standpoint.
He’s been very eye-opening for me, sort of demystifying what happened, and more importantly, laying out the historical and CULTURAL reasons behind it happening. Like, there’s cause and effect, even if it’s not the sort of cause and effect that I’m familiar with in my own country and culture. (His thread alone on “salt” is really astute.)
He looks at things from a very pragmatic historical background, and had a long thread that was the first thing that adequately explained to me why Russia was doing/saying the things it did, things that seemed quite bizarre if you’re looking at it from an American cultural lens.
Part of it is that there’s (and I’m paraphrasing my understanding–you guys should go back and read his threads for the original as I might have misinterpreted) an exaggerated individualism, far beyond what Americans do, in Russian culture.
Like, there’s a lot of “me and mine got ours, so you’re on your own”, or things like “sure, that guy is lying, but it’s MY guy lying so it’s ok.” Hyper-focused on the individual and their family and their local in-groups. And probably an artifact of how brutal the government has been for centuries.
And that “sheer struggle to survive turning people cruel, petty, and mean” has sort of been circling around my head, over and over.
Answering the title: yes. All the fucking time.
One of the little things that annoy me to hell and back is the “lack of decency” from marketing companies that robocall you nonstop. Knowing that someone is profitting off my (and millions’) misery makes it even more infuriating.
Then there’s the actually small, dumb stuff that people also insist, like refusing to get out of the way and thinking -you- are wrong for wanting to get past them. In a fucking public space that their fat ass is almost fully blocking.
Advertising is 100% an arms race. It’s probably one of the most destructive things to the social fabric and goodwill in society right now.
Proactive truth, honesty, and disclosure should be the priority of companies when reaching the market. Instead we get entertainment, vague claims and absurd lies.
“A video game for men that feel lonely”
I was in shock when i first saw such an ad. How low can you go?
It’s the prime source of despair for me at work, as a custodian. Be it staff, clients, or coworkers - being a lazy selfish piece of shit feels pretty common.
I keep in mind that observation bias is a thing and I can’t remember the people around me who are constantly following it.
Many years ago I was walking out of Port Authority and a women, clearly mentally ill, ran up to me and wacked me in the back. There is zero doubt that I have passed well over 10k people in that area in my life. I only remember 1 of them because of what she did 1 time to me.
Yes. Quite often, sadly. Usually when I’m driving, but also when I see someone blatantly littering in front of a perfectly good trash can or absent-mindedly blocking an aisle at the grocery store.
Integrity is no longer valued in our society because it’s an intangible virtue that you can’t directly benefit from, so many people toss out that decorum for marginal gains. The reason I throw my trash away in a trash can is because I respect the social contract and I don’t want to leave a mess for someone else to have to clean (even if it might be their job to clean it) not because I’m afraid of being judged or confronted by others, which I think is the only thing keeping most people on the right side of the equation these days.
The Shopping Cart Theory is a fantastic way to determine if you are dealing with somebody who doesn’t respect the social contract, and indeed, that attitude transcends mere niceties and seeps into their personality - laziness, selfishness, and a general lack of respect for other people’s time and property.
Paying taxes is one way of doing this, and man, people are really hellbent on trying to avoid that.
I think if wages were higher people would have less problem parting with some of their income. But when living expenses are so close to net income it’s tough.
People are more inclined to pay taxes when they think it’s actually going to something. Check out socialist Nordic counties, where many people proudly pay the high tax
If your gov is corrupt then yeah, why would you want to pay taxes
taxes get higher and nothing changes, then great ideas come up like lotteries to help fund the school but somehow the schools are falling apart because they have no funding still
Its trickle-down tax evasion. When I see our politicians avoiding paying millions in taxes and getting away with it, I wonder why should I contribute. I see Apple, Amazon and the tech companies who make a fortune in my country get away with sending the profits to the Cayman islands. All the super markets having a zero-tax liability, so more of the burden falls onto me, I figure maybe I should get an accountant who can help me too.
I was a beneficiary of an inheritance. I learned that my tax rate would be that of my state (higher) rather than family members in another state. A relative framed it as a negative. I said that I was happy that the taxes I’d pay would go into my community and not theirs. It’s like a foreign concept that taxes are good and provide infrastructure that we depend upon daily.
When you can barely afford to pay rent and you see a third of your cheque disappear to “deductions” while the Prime Minister gets 350k a year for life. you start to get a bit resentful.
I know taxes are fees for services, but I couldn’t afford to use many of those services.
Paradoxically, the poor pay taxes more often, and those with significantly more income are the ones bitching about taxes.
I’m from the U.S. most of the services I actually Can use are funded by state taxes. My federal taxes go partially to good things, but when looking at the discretionary budget, which excludes entitlements to which people have directly paid and which the government is obligated to pay out, the vast majority of my federal tax dollars go to oppressing people in foreign countries, and then those weapons are given to police departments to oppress people locally.
The same people don’t wash their hands after the toilet.
Yep! And any examples of countries to have high tax rates but spend well are outright ignored. So annoying!
Probably cause the US doesn’t spend the money well.
The US spends money in awful ways. But these people don’t mention better ways to spend it. Only that their taxes are too damned high. they have no problem with billionaires paying a far lower percentage than they do…
Seeing as how the vast majority of the population is not billionaires, in part you’d think a lot of people would prefer to spend the money on their own basic needs, mortgages, etc.
I’m not sure what your point is, but to reiterate, mine is that people are selfish and I think that’s a bad thing. I can’t tell if you think it’s a good thing or what.
Well, if you have a population packed with people (call it 50%, 70%, whatever) who are basically scraping by, it’s unreasonable to accuse them of being selfish for wanting to keep their hard-earned money while they’re scraping by. Particularly when there’s anything money’s being spent on by the government which is lower priority than people’s basic shelter, food, medicine, etc.
We should absolutely call them out on being hypocrites. These are people who vote against their own interests and against anyone’s interest who isn’t a billionaire. They do not care about the waste until it’s spent, ironically, helping poor people. But if a Republican wastes trillions on war or even raises their taxes, they’re as quiet as a mouse.
I wish it were as simple as you say. Republicans would never make into office again. But you’re entirely wrong about that simplicity
This is a good example.
I have a friend who is constantly complaining about having to pay taxes. One of these days I’m going to break and say that his complaining is essentially him shitting on my profession, a public librarian, and that he doesn’t respect what I do and how I contribute to society.
Houston is decommissioning libraries and turning them into detention centers.
You are spot on. God damn I hate this timeline.
I guarantee you that he would tell you that the community would come together and pay for the library if taxes didn’t. Because they say that about roads and fire departments too.
This!! Taxes make a society run, and it’s like we’re born to hate them in the US! Insane
Remember, the catalyzing moment that started the American experiment was a bunch of colonists rioting to eschew their duty to pay taxes. Right or wrong, avoiding taxes is at the core of American ideals. Modern American oligarchs are upholding the ancient tradition. The colonists rioted and destroyed some tea, modern day do-nothing billionaires buy politicians and destroy entire countries to avoid taxes.
You are kind of leaving out the whole “without representation” portion of tax avoidance.
More like being taxed on anything and everything, including paper (the Stamp Tax 1765 - a massive issue at the time), while having no one to be their voice. Taxes mostly to help fund wartime and reconstruction that didn’t involve the colonies.
It wasn’t an anti tax movement. It was movement to stop being bilked for everything while having no legal say in the matter.
I don’t know, but I just spent two days at an amusement park, so I’m in the sort of mood where I hate all people everywhere.
Like why the fuck are you just standing in the middle of a walkway? No, your group of 20 can’t jump the line to catch up with the one 6 year old who’s been alone for an hour. And double fuck everyone in the wave pool.
An amusement park seems like the perfect hellscape to make me detest the world. That’s a great reminder of a place to avoid.
Family of 5 walks out of a busy door, takes two steps, stops to discuss their plans. There are literally a hundred people around coming and going. And that’s where you stop?
Happens on the daily in the city.
No one anywhere “cares” about anyone else. Don’t like it, deal. Or better yet keep quiet and leave me the fuck alone. Mentality of 95% of this world it seems.
I feel a lot of this is just obliviousness. People are so sucked into what they are doing they don’t notice anyone around them.
It’s the reason shopping at Walmart can be so frustrating for me. People pause and stop at random spots (and I don’t mean to get items).
My favorite version of the large-group-stops-in-the-worst-spot is when they do that at the top (or bottom) of ESCALATORS. 🤦♂️
I have been known to spread my elbows wide and then barrel straight through these groups to make space for the escalator riders behind me.
With a quick “oh hey, sorry. I wasn’t expecting someone to stop here.”
I just went to two amusement parks in Japan this week (Universal and Disney). It’s a different world here. People form orderly queues. They wait their turn. They don’t make noise. We all say thank you at the end of an interaction.
I see 20 metre single-file queues for escalators. Back home it’s a chaotic meat funnel.
This comment gave me anxiety and reminded me precisely why I started vacationing to very quiet places
My husband and I discuss this regularly. The loss of the social contract.
It is so sad to see so many people respond with “not my responsibility.” Why isn’t it? If you want to be a part of society then it is your responsibility. Part of being “civilized” is the strongest helping the weakest and most vulnerable. Our truest measure as humans is how we treat those who need the most.
Bringing other people up to a dignified level increases your value, not decreases. It doesn’t take away from you to let others have dignity and respect.
A great deal of people don’t view society as theirs. When someone stands outside the system, what is there to lose or care about? Personally, I believe i see your larger point, but many people don’t consider the social and responsibility this way.
My spouse and I talk about this often. A very obvious example is how rude (and recklessly dangerous) people are while driving. And myriad minor things out in public in general. No sense of community and a complete lack of consideration for others is the new normal. It got worse during and after the pandemic.
Big time on the pandemic front! I made the insane move to travel to Norway during the pandemic and (being a born-and-raised Idahoan) I was SHOCKED and delighted to see 99% of people there wearing their masks at all time. The sense of community is so powerfully present there, it was a big wakeup call, seeing just how shitty people are to each other here.
I think people really only started noticing it during and after the pandemic.
I have always hated people’s lack of consideration. I have always been very aware of it and it has always stayed the same (at least since the 27 years I am here).
It really has gotten worse since the pandemic, and I see it retry much every time I’m out. Earlier today I was out walking with my dog and kid. At one point we needed to cross the street at a four way stop. However, three cars in a row didn’t even slow down for their stop sign. It’s dangerous out there
Yes, driving, parking–all manner of auto-related behavior are prime examples of this. But I would add that pedestrians are not faultless. Can’t count the number of times I’ve had to wait for a young, healthy pedestrian just taking. their. time. in the crosswalk while a bunch of us are waiting to complete a turn, for example. I always double-time it in a crosswalk–it’s not only courteous–it diminishes the likelihood of me getting run down by someone looking at their phone while they’re driving.
I hear you but is really that big of a deal? Out of all the many challenges in life, slow pedestrians affects maybe like 15-25 seconds of my day at most lol. Who cares if they trot or stroll?
This is the whole point of the post. Everyone should have an intrinsic desire to get out of each other’s way, be courteous, be thoughtful of other’s time, etc. The flip side is we ask our neighbors to be patient as we do our best in our day, and may have things slowing US down.
So the 1-2 punch is: be courteous to avoid bothering others, and be patient to understand that others are trying their best.
If everyone genuinely tries on both those topics, everyone feels pretty good about their public interactions.
I’m sorry, but when I’m walking 2 miles to the nearest store, I’ll adopt a steady pace. When it’s my turn to go at the intersection, I’ll take the time I need to go through.
All these impatient drivers are sitting in their air-conditioned car anyway, I’m not breaking a sweat just so they can save a few seconds.
So what you’re saying is that you don’t care about others people’s time or convenience. Which then raises the question, why should others care about yours?
This attitude is the breakdown of the social contract being discussed right now lol
I guess it could be construed that way, but there’s a fairness element to it, too. I have waited for my turn, I’d like my time to be respected, especially by people who will be less inconvenienced than me. They will most likely make it to their destination way before me, too… Which only makes their impatience more frustrating.
I think many people just have a fundamental misunderstanding that they are indeed a part of something larger.
I was literally just reading about social contract theory the other day, brushing up because it’s been a while since my political philosophy coursework in undergrad.
I was thinking this is definitely something everyone should brush up on, because it seems to be something many of us have forgotten about.
We live in a society, together, and give up certain freedoms in exchange for stable lifestyles lived without fear.
I think people have forgotten about everyone’s individual responsibility, their mandate, to uphold their part of this social contract. I think people have forgotten what shame is.
Great post.
Unfortunately, the people that need this reminder the most are also generally staunchly anti-intellectualism.
I think people have forgotten what shame is.
This is, I think, the major motivator for terrible behavior. Well said.
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It’s definitely not a new phenomenon, but exacerbated by the media and COVID-19 just seemed to bring out the very worst in the worst people. Witnessed selfish brats in society my whole life, and I wish I could say it’s improved but it hasn’t. People forget we live in a society and should work together.
Yes.
I remember years ago, meeting some Ayn Rand fans, and many of us who knew them considered them deluded and selfish. I remember the despair I felt when drump’s election proved that the deluded and selfish had increased and risen. And then the pandemic shone a spotlight on just how many had become proud of their delusion and selfishness. And yes, I sometimes get very depressed about this, but find ways to see the good and positive, and continue to hope.
